Village idiots. Audition. Brituns nt gt “talent”: lol
On a rant here. IVE JUST FUCKING SEEN SOMEONE WITH BLUE HIGHLIGHTS. I did not work like a slave in a hair dressers for 2 years, every saturday to have dickheads like you fucking copy me. Fuck offfffffffff. I am so sick to fucking death of people copying me. Don’t you get it? I was ostracised as a child, fed mud, chased home whilst having an asthma attack, tried hanging myself from the age of 8 because I was made to feel different. I embraced it. Started so many fucking trends it’s a fucking joke. Seriously. Shaven hair at the side? Year 8? Short pixie cut? BEFORE RIRI? Short back and sides with a femme fringe? 2011? GEEKS? I WAS A GEEK BEFORE IT WAS COOL. I CAN TELL YOU THE NAME AND PLOT OF EVERY SINGLE SIMPSONS EPISODE UP UNTIL EPISODE 1000. I CAN NAME LOTR IN SCENE ORDER AND RECITE IT BACKWARDS. I SPENT SO LONG WATCHING TITANIC AS A CHILD I USED TO ROB YELLOW PAGES THAT HAD BEEN LEFT IN THE RAIN TO CUT INTO FAKE MONEY SO I COULD PRETEND I WAS JACK LOOKING IN THE SAFE. I WANTED TO BE LEO DICAPRIO SO MUCH I WOULDNT GROW MY HAIR BC I WANTED TO LOOK AS MANLY AS I COULD. I HAD THE BIGGEST TITS IN MY YEAR AND STILL MANAGED TO LOOK LIKE I HAD A FLAT CHEST. I got called a paki and every racist jargon all my life for it now to be cool to be covered in curry powder? I used to spend my time walking round the playground in circles and talking to myself with no friends because no one would fucking accept me, now bc I make you laugh you all want to be my friend on fb? Buy me a drink on a night out? Wtaf is wrong with you people. First girl to learn drums in mt year. First person to experimeng with hair dye. First person to stretch my ears. Back in year fucking 8 and you all told me to kill myself. 2 years later you all wanted stretchers. Got into justin timberlake before his massive comeback. Got called a freak. Now ur like omfg justin babs. Mila fucking kunis. I was obsessed with her after watching gia at 9. And no one had even heard of her. David bowie? Kieth moon? You all listen to the doors and people like that and you don’t even know how they were started or their history. You couldn’t tell me their best eras. AMY FUCKING WINEHOUSE. WAS MY IDOL FROM FRANK AND HER LYRICS HELPED ME GET THROUGH AN ABUSIVE STEP DRUGGIE STEP DAD AND I GOT BULLIED FOR DOING MY EYELINER LIKE HER. NOW EVERY CUNT LOVES AMY. im sorry but she was a troubled young woman and you’re like “what a waste” maybe if everyone hadnt been such cunts she wouldn’t have joined the 27 club. Hard candy. Erm sorry wot? I found that when I was researching films about revenge on pedophiles at 12. I hate you conformist cunts. I do. I do. I do. I respect everyone until they disrespect me, I mean they don’t even give you the common courtesy of fucking saying ” oh sorry do you mind if I do that” .”no course not, I got it here”. But noooooooo. I have to just get psychotic stalkers like chloe fucking leech, how ironic? I couldn’t even change my eyeshadow without that leech copying. It got so bad my entire sociology class were telling me to say something, one day Ide just had enough of it, couldn’t cope with the fucked up messages and bitchy looks in college, she actually tried to turn my favorite teachers against me. She printed my fb and showed teachers what I was doing to get me into trouble, I turned around and said ” can you stop copying me chloe its gone a hit far now” she went so defensive, then I GOT DONR FOR CYBER BULLYING? LIKE WOT THE SHIT? I don’t get in trouble for everything I do on purpose, so I just think fuck it, all the plastic moshers fuck off to leeds, I will honestly throw vomit over you if I catch you at download. You did not walk around topless for 6 days in torrential downpour consuming your own body weight in drugs and alcohol whilst reaking of piss and vomit to come download and act like a princess. Metal is for hardcore people who are fucking hardcore. You go to download and go to watch “while she sleeps” get a novelty tattoo of a rose thinking you’re so mosher grunge. and not want to listen to slayer? You want light metal? Seriously? Don’t u understand? Warehouse in preston was where my mum sneaked me in at 14 back when it was a crime to be seen in there. And the posers in there want to give me dirty looks? Helllllooooooooooooo? I commit social suicide on a daily basis. Get judged, then you do what I do? Stop it. Stop. Release yourselves. Sick to death of having originality and being fucking bombarded with hate. In direct statuss’ sly comments. Say it to my face. I will give you my address? Im not even a scary person. Im so laid back I live in my leopard print dressing gown. Which I bought at 12 shopping in the trafford centre. All of a sudden nikki minaj comes along and makes it ok for white girls to wear it? U Wot wot wot? Superdry. I wore a my checked superdry to school non uniform day in year 8 and got called a farmer before ide even moved to a village. It’s now the fucking lesbian calling card. Aviators. I searched high and low for childrens ones. All of a sudden? Aviators are back thanks to ray ban. I swear to god I cannot cope with being copied anymore. I teach myself everything I know. Spent years alone as a kid stealing older lads basketballs just so I could sit at the side and learn how to play. I sewed a gorrilaz patch into my denim jacket because it’s the symbol for daring. Next thing I know every cunt in p towns got a light denim jacket instead of dark. Like wot the actual shit. Seriously. You make me feel different because I am. Copy me. Then bully me. I spent an hour on saturday telling a random girl to love herself because I caught her vomming in the loos completely sober. Got told off for doing that too. Like wot? Bounce by the fucking ounce
Is viral now and me and jess found it back when it had less than 400 views. I’m only funny bc I tell the fucking truth. My mums like ” wind your neck in ems” wot? Mum? Seriously? Seriously? Im soooooooo laid back its a joke and no one even gives me a fucking chance. I’m sick to death of setting trends. Sick of it. To death. I wanted a skin head so fucking bad and everyone discouraged me? Then someone famous does it your like ooh yeah. Skin heads? Wot? Wot? Wot? Skins. Fucking skins. I started watching that from the first series? Put my headphones into the tv so my mum wouldn’t know I was watching it, come year 11 every bastard liked skins. Harry enfield was a hero of mine since 6 when I first watched kevin and perry. Charlie chaplin. Everyone rips him off. Even I do. You can get away with saying anything if you make it funny. All of a sudden it’s cool to be a punk? Erm? Ide see a goth and try following them like a stalker at like 6? I was the only mosher in my year and theyre all fucking moshers now. Like wot the fuck. Ive been preaching illuminati based shit since I was like 4 and my mum showed me a documentary on the bible? Highest grade in my year in RS gcse with 11% attendance? Wot? Fanks school. U knew how to helo didn’t you? Like my god. I swear ivr fixed so many dodgy eyebrows I should charge, I don’t bc I care about my friends self confidence. Me and sarah sat drinking rum at 14 doing eachothers makeup, getting shit from everyone including teachers only to get shit now for being funny. I get called crazy all the time. Erm yeah obvs im fucking psychotic. I really want to go on a killing spree and murder you all. Lol next joke. I say sorry to snails in my head and ask for fogiveness because I stood on them as a child liking the crunch (shudders). Paramore. Erm. Wot? Me and rachel booth raved to paramore at 12 being the only moshers on our council estate. Then every cunt starts listening to hayley williams. I can’t stand her now. I hate her in fact. She made the original band members leave and now they’re so shit. I was breaking into abandoned orphanages for pictures at 12 and now every cunt with a canon camera thinks they’re so artsy doing it. I got to the point in high school where I got myself put into isolation to do my work bc I was sick of having my work copied. My technique with ink painting got copied so much every cunt did it. I was obsessed with Japanese art after reading memoirs of a geisha at 9. Wot happens? Half my art class decided their peices where going to be japanese based? Like wot? Seriously? Seriously? Sirius mother fucking black wot? My whole life I just get put down. Only to be copied. Like r u for fucking real mate. Those geek, yolo, swag, t shits. I started. I decided to go as cher lloyd to a fancy dress party and wrote SWAG across my tits. If ide known I could make fucking money ide have never have gone to that party. I even write serious status’ not even intending to be funny and people that dont even give me courtesy to like the thing copy me? Wottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
I hated the human race before being a sinnic was popular. Im selling out and becoming a fucking comedian so I can say what I want and not get done. I genuinely MADE that party go down in college history. some girl who’d been stalking me was there, all the little prim princesses tried to get me with her and I said no; started to sing “my heart will go on” bc she looked like a horse (neigh to ketamine) the girls join in . Wot happens. She walks in ” oh my god I love this song” starts singing too. I got her mortalled and danced with her bc I felt so tight for seemingly bullying her. I was obsessed with the mummy as a child, used to play the scene at the beginning on rpt on my vhs, pretending I was brendan fraiser shooting so many bb bullets my mum threw all my toy guns away bc of the mess. And now Egypt is suddenly cool? Have you seen Egypt mate? It was once a dynasty and now look at it? Nothing but festering memories that are being destroyed. I swear I’m a fucking alien me. I am not from this world. I can’t be. I really can’t. I cook michellin standard food, get sacked from a greasy butty shop for not being able to cook( apparently) soz sean. Freshest thing at “fresh food corner” was the bread and the salad. And you’re that dumb you thought putting a polystyrene tray in the microwave would impact the taste? No Sean. Putting the food in the mircowave in the first place was why your food was so shit. QUALITYY NOT QUANTITY. Pratts. Pratts. Pratts. You’re all fucking idiots. I hate you all. wot even is insanity anyway? Oh yeah fuck it. This persons depressed. Her u go. Bi polar. Nice little label so society stigmatizes them. In turn making their condition worse. Ermmmm what has psychology proven? The wording of something impacts a person’s views? (How fast is the car going experiment) you want to cure depression? Change the name of it. Instead of “mental health” change it to mind health. Hello, mind yourselves love? Can’t actually cope. Can’t. Can’t. Psychologists are taking advice from freud. No wonder they call them quacks. Like u r really dumb. So dumb. So so dumb.
I still can’t believe I’m someone’s hero. I’ve never saved anyone in my life. And I’ve always wanted to save someone. Ive done it. All it took was for me to have the second scariest night of my life. And ive had petrifying nights.
He’s from another planet. So am I. I love you davud bowie. I do
This song makes me want to dance naked under the moonlight on a beach.